Thursday, February 18, 2016

The Night I Woke Up Screaming

I'm not entirely sure what happened last night but it has never happened before. I'm not sure if it was a neurological  (sleep disorder) problem, déjà vu, premonition, some kind of metaphysical attack or what. Neurologically, it could have been a part of the narcolepsy (hypnopompic hallucinations - I've had both hypnopompic and hypnogogic but only a smell here, a voice there or once a light that looked like a cat, etc nothing to this magnitude) but not sleep paralysis because I was sitting nearly upright (but not fully) in bed. Maybe REM behavior disorder (which I have discussed before with doctors and I've acted out dreams but again, laying in bed, murmuring and moving hands, nothing of this magnitude). Not night terrors as I've never had them before and it only half fits like the rest of the neurological options. I'm not sure if it wasn't metaphysical. Maybe a combination.

I was laying in bed asleep. It wasn't late for me, in fact it was reasonably early compared to some days when I finally get to bed. I do take medicines though they've never caused this reaction and I specifically looked up drug interactions to the meds I took last night and this was not even a possible a side effect, I'm not getting a cold so no interactions there. I dozed off facing my youngest daughter, I don't remember when but I remember in my dream or whatever it was I was facing the opposite direction (I don't toss and turn in bed) staring into the opposite corner of the room at something (things). Swirling, malevolent mists stationary just feet from me. I could feel the malice. The light was on (I turned it off before getting into bed) but my husband had just gotten home from helping his mother (bed bound) he walked into the room and stepped on something so he paused at the threshold and he flipped the light. He said he walked in and I was leaning up staring into that corner, pale as a ghost as if all the blood had drained from my face (even "winter pale" I'm still pretty olive/tan compared to many people) and I screamed 5 terrified screams. He reacted by jumping back and turning towards the corner to see what I saw. Nothing. I didn't hear myself scream and miraculously none of my kids did either (they sleep deep like their father). He said I just sat there leaning up,  staring wide eyed into the corner for a few seconds or minutes largely unresponsive until finally I looked at him and just kept repeating his name and saying "I don't know what just happened." Over and over. I remained a bit shaky, scared and disoriented for a bit and unable to really explain what had happened, even to my husband. Couldn't explain what I'd seen in that corner. Unable to shake the terror and still sensing harm. I slept in my husbands arms with the lights on but considered grabbing my protection necklaces hanging over my bed and slip them on but settled for a small plea to my Queen to still my troubles and protect me from whatever was threatening me. By the time I woke up again a couple hours later I was mostly fine (if still a bit shaken) and able to turn the lights off and snuggle back down to sleep. It really could have been any number of things and I've listed all the possible scientific/medical reasons it *could* have been but I can't discount the feeling that it was an attack.

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