Hekate Threw A Wrench In My Life Plan

So it's been a while, again. More than a while actually but there's a very good reason for that. 2016 has been a ... turbulent year, to say the least. Not totally in a bad way, now that I've had a bit of time to heal. In March, my husband walked out on our family and moved back in with his mother (briefly) before moving in with someone else. I don't know who or where. At first he was around quite a bit and seeing the girls often, but now, he's all but disappeared. I would say that it was a total surprise but it really wasn't. We tried and tried over the years but really, while I loved him,  it just wasn't working anymore. Neither of us tried at the same time. When I was trying, he checked out, by the time he tried again, I had checked out, and vice versa. Hekate had been warning me and moving me for months but I'm nothing if not stubborn. I suppose she finally took the choice away from me.

11 years. At first, I didn't think the pain would ever lessen, spent more time in tears than not. Now, I still miss him but I don't hurt nearly as much. In a way, I'm happier. Which seems weird, but it's true. I survived the first 3 months and each day I just get stronger. I don't know what the future will hold but so far, even though I railed against the change, I'm ok. I'm infinitely more stressed out, suddenly doing twice as much, OR MORE with suddenly none of the help, physically or financially, but now I'm not disappointed by the let down. I'm not sure what tomorrow may bring, I can only hope it's good.

The Night I Woke Up Screaming

I'm not entirely sure what happened last night but it has never happened before. I'm not sure if it was a neurological  (sleep disorder) problem, déjà vu, premonition, some kind of metaphysical attack or what. Neurologically, it could have been a part of the narcolepsy (hypnopompic hallucinations - I've had both hypnopompic and hypnogogic but only a smell here, a voice there or once a light that looked like a cat, etc nothing to this magnitude) but not sleep paralysis because I was sitting nearly upright (but not fully) in bed. Maybe REM behavior disorder (which I have discussed before with doctors and I've acted out dreams but again, laying in bed, murmuring and moving hands, nothing of this magnitude). Not night terrors as I've never had them before and it only half fits like the rest of the neurological options. I'm not sure if it wasn't metaphysical. Maybe a combination.

I was laying in bed asleep. It wasn't late for me, in fact it was reasonably early compared to some days when I finally get to bed. I do take medicines though they've never caused this reaction and I specifically looked up drug interactions to the meds I took last night and this was not even a possible a side effect, I'm not getting a cold so no interactions there. I dozed off facing my youngest daughter, I don't remember when but I remember in my dream or whatever it was I was facing the opposite direction (I don't toss and turn in bed) staring into the opposite corner of the room at something (things). Swirling, malevolent mists stationary just feet from me. I could feel the malice. The light was on (I turned it off before getting into bed) but my husband had just gotten home from helping his mother (bed bound) he walked into the room and stepped on something so he paused at the threshold and he flipped the light. He said he walked in and I was leaning up staring into that corner, pale as a ghost as if all the blood had drained from my face (even "winter pale" I'm still pretty olive/tan compared to many people) and I screamed 5 terrified screams. He reacted by jumping back and turning towards the corner to see what I saw. Nothing. I didn't hear myself scream and miraculously none of my kids did either (they sleep deep like their father). He said I just sat there leaning up,  staring wide eyed into the corner for a few seconds or minutes largely unresponsive until finally I looked at him and just kept repeating his name and saying "I don't know what just happened." Over and over. I remained a bit shaky, scared and disoriented for a bit and unable to really explain what had happened, even to my husband. Couldn't explain what I'd seen in that corner. Unable to shake the terror and still sensing harm. I slept in my husbands arms with the lights on but considered grabbing my protection necklaces hanging over my bed and slip them on but settled for a small plea to my Queen to still my troubles and protect me from whatever was threatening me. By the time I woke up again a couple hours later I was mostly fine (if still a bit shaken) and able to turn the lights off and snuggle back down to sleep. It really could have been any number of things and I've listed all the possible scientific/medical reasons it *could* have been but I can't discount the feeling that it was an attack.

Pagans in the Closet

I know it's been a while since my last post but there has been a lot going on and little of interest but I'm feeling a bit salty. I started this yesterday but got interrupted and busy. I'm openly not Christian but not fully openly pagan, as in, not out of the broom closet. I don't attend church unless my mother asks me to go for her for mother's day or funerals/weddings etc. I don't close my eyes and bow my head for grace at family gatherings or say amen. I share free spiritual posts (though full on pagan things are USUALLY restricted to my more open side of facebook, occasionally I don't bother hiding). Those I trust, know. Or suspect. Those that dont, don't. Anyway.

I have a relative who is ... the worst. Not as ... vocally vile, as say the WBC people but very close. I've seen her riled up but generally she's just a syrupy bigot. Tries to be somewhat civil but you can tell she's judging you, etc. She was even fired from a government assistance job (think DSS/People's Inc/Health services etc) for the way she treated her clients, multiple complaints, asked by several to not come back. She didn't even try to hide her disdain for these people. You get the idea. I could go on and on for days. Granted, she's my aunt and I love her. I just don't like her. It happens. I don't avoid her if she's around, I'm definitely civil and even friendly but we don't ... hang out. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been to her house on one hand and each time was to help her (she runs an animal rescue) or with my mom. Just a bit of history. Anyway. In November of last year, November 1st, to be exact, she posted on Facebook asking if anyone had a mama cat that could take an abandoned nursing kitten she'd found in her chicken coop. After about an hour or so of no takers I posted that I had a mommy cat if she didn't have any other options and we arranged for me to come get it when my husband got home. 2 hours later she messaged me asking where I was and that the kitty was hungry. An hour later I showed up with my husband and children. The kitten was in a transport crate in her drivewar with a little dish of goat milk and she gave me a medicine dropper to feed it while it was quarantined and some meds for a respiratory infection and dewormer, the meds were on her atv thingy (I have no clue what it is) in her garage so I stepped into the garage with her, about 2 feet in the garage. No where near her side door and on the opposite side of her house than her room is. Stepped back out of the garage and stood around talking outside while my husband helped my uncle with dog kennels since his knees and stuff are bad. Once done we left.

A few days after Christmas my mom called me to give me a heads up that my aunt couldn't find a piece of very expensive jewelry and had been looking everywhere and was going to file a police report and remembered she had seen it before I came over. She also listed a handful of other people, including my mother that had been there but at first I was pissed. None of my immediate family had gone inside the house in the 2 month period between "it may have gone missing then" and "just a heads up" and she runs an animal rescue from her home so has her "volunteers" and people from that and has people house sit for her and has them over etc but mom talked me down and I let it go. Simply because mom said she'd given them "all the names she could think of" and it was a very expensive piece. I'd be panicking too. However nearly a full month went by with no word so I forgot about it. Until a detective called me and asked if I could come in and talk with her and give a statement. I'd completely forgotten about it and assumed it was about a completely different incidence (where I was a witness, not a suspect) until I sat and thought about how not only were those two agencies in two seperate counties but two seperate cities AND two seperate states. So I got to thinking and that "heads up" was the only thing I could think of. I'd agreed to come in, I have nothing to hide in any case but we'd played phone tag and things kept coming up for her but finally yesterday I was able to get in (though had to speak with a different detective because the original got called out on a case).

I was mirandized and though I could have refused to cooperate or asked for counsel, I'm innocent of everything (except for having differing beliefs) and not afraid of giving my accounts. I've never been arrested, never questioned as a suspect (once as a teenager I was questioned at a local hangout on the whereabouts of a friend who was later arrested for possession) never suspected. In short, I've never been in any kind of trouble, I don't do drugs, I don't steal, I've never stolen from friends and family, never been accused. In short, I'm the cleanest "black sheep" in the ENTIRE family. My black sheep status comes ONLY from being a pagan democrat. My friends all know I'm not a thief, as does my family. My own mother stated I'd rather do without than look for handouts and I won't even ask for help with something I need and hate accepting help unless it affects my children. When my husband lost his job I did what I had to by starting to babysit but was fully prepared to move to an area I hate (because it's all people like the rest of my family and I'd be shoved even more in the broom closet but even more secluded because it's in the mountains of coal country) because that's what was going to happen if I or my husband couldn't pay our bills. But we are surviving. My bills are paid, my children had a prosperous Christmas, I'm able to afford winter gear and clothes they need and even toys and entertainment. We don’t go out a lot, I have wish lists that occasionally I can buy from but more often, they have to wait. And that's ok with me.

The detective straight up told me that I was there because I was a suspect in the disappearance in the jewelry that had been reported sometime in December and that I'd been there. I gave a statement and showed the detective the messages that were time stamped with the date and time, the post from where she was asking for help etc so there could be ZERO "around this day/time" "may be off by a bit" etc. No, it was "the last time I was at her house was at x time on y day for z purpose " and "as of this day (which was yesterday) I've only seen her one other time. At my mothers, for thanksgiving dinner. I didn't see her AT ALL in December, January or February, and just those two instances in November." My husband, who is not pagan (is curious) though not practicing Christianity, was with me in both of those instance and on the first, even returned alone to their house after dropping us off to continue (outside) helping my uncle with the kennels. He has not been called or questioned yet he was also there (longer than me), he has a minor record (for court, violation of probation on a driving while suspended that he didn't fix), a long driving record and a history of drug abuse all of which is resolved and has been but the fact remains, he has a past. My mother was also there and while she's been on the right track as well, for years, she's now a practicing Christian who attends church more regularly than aunt. She has been inside my aunts, regularly. She has not been called or questioned. Another person who has a past, including from stealing off of her in the past, was also there. I have no way of knowing if she's been questioned. Another who leads an "alternative or frowned upon" (to people like my aunt) lifestyle and does drugs but is a "Christian", was also there at different times, has not been questioned. My cousin who has been in and out of jail and prison, also an addict and "alternative/frowned upon", also been found guilty of stealing off of a relative etc, has not been questioned or even a suspect, probably because she "goes to church with her aunties". Despite catching another charge just last month. Another relative house sat and their spouse is a meth addict and thief who abandons their son for weeks at a time while that relative was seeking treatment from the VA. Neither of them have been questioned. Yet again, they're non-practicing Christians. The list is endless. But I'm the only suspect of the people I know. My mom went with me and was astonished. Then she said "It's probably because she thinks you're a facebook satanist".

This is why I don't want to say it loud and proud. Why I only fully admit it to some or total internet strangers with some anonymity. Trustworthy people. More trustworthy obviously than my own blood. I know I'm innocent. My friends know I'm innocent. My immediate family. But this is the first time I've been accused of something based not on character, but simply for being different. I've read articles of people who are suspects in homicides and headlines read all about how the crimes are suspected "pagan/wiccan ritual" killings, how people are still murdered because they're pagan or accused of witchcraft. STILL, to this day. In 2016. And while MANY people are accepting or at least not automatically on the defense or actively on the offense. For nothing. Granted now that my opinion is that aunt can kiss my non-satanic ass and I'll never lift a finger to help her again, I kind of want to say fuck everyone and walk out of that broom closet with my middle fingers up. Or at least with my head held high. Just something to think about next time someone says they're afraid to step out of ANY closet. Because I knew some people would not like it, but I never thought I'd be accused of a crime I'd never commit even desperate by my own blood.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 30

30. Any suggestions for others just starting to learn about this deity?

Touch screen phones are going to be the end of me. If I delete a whole blog post while trying to copy and paste from my notepad ONE MORE TIME...

We've reached the END. Way to go us!

Anyway. The biggest thing for me is probably to do your own research. Don't just follow other people's interpretations, not mine, not a random stranger, someone in a facebook group, a random site just because it says it's devoted to Her or have been practicing for 20 years. Do your OWN research and find out how She works with YOU. Is she going to appear to you as a triple goddess, a maiden, a crone? I don't personally believe in the triple form or crone aspect. It kind of bothers me to be honest. I can't speak for other Hekateans but it just steps all over me the wrong way for some reason. And like I've said a million times, I won't tell another that they're wrong (just why I feel it isn't traditional or why that particular view came into existence/popularity). That is between you and Hekate. It's not my place to tell you She can't appear a different way. I don't know that to be true or false, I can only say what **I** see. See what I mean?

Another is to actually DO. Many people shy away from actively worshipping, especially with something new or if they're new to the path. Don't be afraid to work with Her because four course rites (big lengthy multi part rites - like a four course meal) are intimidating or you haven't finished your "year and a day" and are hesitant to actually do just yet. I have just as many positive outcomes from small offerings on Her altar and just being myself. Calling out to Her, stating my intentions in what I'm asking for or for Her, asking for small requests or guidance in or to something. I've yet to actually be let down in either full rites or just small ones. Don't be afraid to reach out, introduce yourself, state your intentions in Her, leave an offering, etc. Her worship is about more than just research.

And of course, don't expect everything to be sunshine and roses. If that's what you want let me just go ahead and stop you right there. It's not always going to be pretty or fun. Sometimes it will down right suck. I mean, it's not fun being forced to face something hard that you would rather hide from. To practically be shoved into awareness and responsibility, yea, not always the best time. But it is definitely worth it.

Bright Blessings my fellow Hekateans new and old. Hail Hekate!

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 29

29. Any interesting or unusual UPG to share? 

I typed out a big post but hit a button when I copied it on my phone and it deleted it. Sigh.

Ok so I'll shorten it to UPG *I've* encountered. It's a short list since I haven't been on this path as long as some.

I've found she likes saffron incense as an offering.

She also likes tea, I'm not a wine drinker so I really don't buy it. I'm considering buying small quantities for special rites but I have no use for big bottles and would only use it for devotion. I typically use pomegranate tea.

I also feel called to cover my hair in rites or celebrations, though not in every day life and not necessarily modest or for modesty. Loose draping for instance. I know some people are the opposite and feel called to unbind or I've even read dreading. My hair is up in a pony tail 90% of the time and to wear it down I have to straighten it (which would be my ideal method but isn't feasible often for health reasons). As frizzy and wild as it gets when dry it would just distract and annoy me if left completely unbound. That may be a cross over from my every day life. I hate leaving my hair unbound and untamed but I want to do more than just the usual ponytail.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 28

28. Something you wish you knew about Hekate but don’t currently.

I think the people who created this ran out of ideas for prompts. The whole point of not knowing is you don't know what to ask. I know quite a bit but there's always more to know.

Maybe since there's so much guesswork on her origins, I'd like to know where she originated, Thrace, Mesopotamia, near there, not even close, where, beyond just our inferring fact based on ancient information.

I'm drawing a blank here. There's always that pesky heated debate (that I've basically beaten to death) on whether it's ok to see her as a Crone or Maiden/Mother/Crone. What She really thinks. Me personally, not my monkeys, not my circus but I do think it's at best a modern spin on it and not really accurate.

Ok seriously, that's all I can think of.

Meet The Witch Behind Calypso

So I've been toying for a couple days with a plan to do an introduction. The first post (which is generally reserved for introducing) was more of a why this blog and why Hekate. 

Anyway. 

About me. I am 26 years old, Year of the Snake, which I love. I've had several snakes over the years myself. I'm also a Gemini and it definitely shows. A lot of people say zodiac are rubbish but I read the basics (as in overall details, not daily "fun" horoscopes) and I find myself agreeing with a majority of what it says. 

I am married, have been for 9 years and have been with my husband for 11 years.  We have 3 daughters together, S9.5, D7.5, and J4.5. It's kind of touchy in terms of religion as mostly everyone in this area is Christian. My children ask to go to church on occasion but I'm trying to teach them that it isn't the only option, nor is mine the must take path. Husband isn't necessarily sure what he believes anymore, so we'll see where that leads. 

I have numerous chronic illnesses and more that haven't. It took 13 years to get the first diagnosis and an additional 3.5 to get where I am now. It's honestly like pulling teeth. Actually no, pulling teeth is a breeze compared to modern medicine when you're complicated. My neurologist calls me a special snowflake. I'm not sure how I feel about that to be honest. My electrophysiologist just says my case is complicated. Most of these you'll probably have never heard of unless you or someone you know have them. They are as follows;

Hyperadrenergic Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome - also called Hyper POTS. The hyper part means my adrenaline system is hyper active and my blood pressure while usually normal to low, turns hypertensive while standing  (Orthostatic), my heart rate also goes a bit crazy with any activity which was originally diagnosed as Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia. Along with the same line, I also have PACs and PVCs so sometimes even while sitting it goes a bit haywire. A form of Dysautonomia.

Neurocardiogenic Syncope - or NCS, a fainting disorder that seems to be temporarily in somewhat remission. Before, my blood pressure was low on a normal day but would drop dangerously low and occasionally my heart would briefly stop beating. With the HyperPOTS manifesting and everything else driving my blood pressure up, I no longer lose consciousness, just get super dizzy. When I get some of the other disorders under control, my blood pressure issues may resolve to where I'm back to passing out (joy). Also a form of Dysautonomia.

Narcolepsy - I don't have cataplexy but I do still take naps and sleep quite a bit along with insomnia. Sometimes I fall asleep and can't help it. I call them microsleep, they last roughly 30 minutes and I always wake up anxious and my heart racing.

Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and Insulin Resistant PCOS - my hormones are ... more than screwed. My thyroid antibodies are in the thousands (normal is below 35) and my insulin levels for a year have been quadruple what they need to be. Last check they were only double that which was "ok" but not good enough so hopefully it's getting there. I'll skip the details into the more feminine aspects of PCOS.

Migraines with and without aura - self explanatory on the migraine part. The aura, also called ocular migraines take my vision both central and periphery though not at the same time. It usually means a bad one is coming but gives me time to treat.

Neuropathy due to the insulin resistance pre-diabetes and Dysautonomia. My hands, arms, legs and feet "fall asleep". I wake up with numb arms, if I'm sitting, my legs fall asleep. Sometimes it's so bad I have to hobble instead of walk.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder - PMDD, think ... PMS on steroids. Anxiety, depression, rage, weepiness. All or switching for 2 weeks. My anxiety gets so much worse during this time and EVERY little thing sets me off. 

It took 13 years to get the NCS diagnosis and the rest have trickled in over the past almost 4 years (4 in February for the official diagnosis though unofficial from November 4 years ago). Most of the time if I hadn't fought, it would have been brushed off. NCS only came because my doctor told me there was nothing he could do and I asked him if I was just expected to suffer because no one could explain why I've been passing out since age 10. That "Well we have one more test we can try." Was the turning point for where I am now. The Hyper POTS diagnosis took an additional 3 years and traveling 6 hours one way for an all day appointment. The narcolepsy diagnosis I had to get a second opinion because even with a "classic positive" MSLT sleep study, she couldn't believe I had so much wrong with me. That second opinion was with a neuro sleep specialist (most sleep studies are done by a pulmonology sleep specialist - like my MSLT) who looked at it, said "Yep, that's positive, why did she send you to me?" Good question doc. My Hashi, I had to request the *right* tests because the normal ones ran, came back normal. Seems that's always the tests. They all come back normal until the doctors run the tests they don't usually run or the "well there's one last test" tests. Fun right? Yea.

Next subject, most of this region, and I guess by default, my family, are southern baptist. That's how I was semi raised. We moved 8 hours away when I was 10 so no familial or regional influence after and my mom wasn't practicing prior to moving. Just holidays with family. I think I've questioned what I was told to believe for as far back as I can remember. It was either a non issue or I was questioning it. Long strings of reaching out to a deity that wasn't answering, feeling abandoned, watching the hypocrisy, no thanks. Cliché as it is, my love for all things other began by kids tales. Sabrina the teenage witch, Harry Potter, the like. Then one day while browsing the books in the library at my moms work I found one of those girly books, spells for girls on love and luck and beauty... you know what I'm talking about. I still have that book. I've been tiptoeing down the line ever since. I think before now I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information and so many options and didn't know how to reach out and take it. 

Mundane stuff, I love reading, curling up with a good book and a cup of herbal tea, and writing, swimming. I love cop shows, CSI (all of them), Law & Order (SVU), NCIS, Chicago Fire/PD/Med, Criminal Minds, etc. I also like the SiFi stuff, Minority Report, Grimm, Charmed, etc. Also, I find it kind of hard to relate when picking "music selections" relating to the craft because my favorite (on one hand) is Rap/R&b/Hip hop. I do genuinely like the songs I linked the other day but in finding them... I have no clue where to even begin most days. 

Ok my brain is numb from the info dump. I can't think of anything interesting enough to share.

Later!
Bright Blessings!
~ Calypso

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 27

27. Worst misconception about Hekate that you have encountered?

Didn't we cover this on page 9 already? I feel like I should just copy and paste from 9 because there's only so many ways I can talk about the Maiden/Mother/Crone aspect or the singular Crone aspect. I'm starting to feel like it's just repeat repeat repeat.

- Repeat from #9 -

This one is a bit iffy. As I said in my previous entries, Hekate is different things for different people. Obviously I have the picture in my head of who and what She is, as well as the feeling of wrongness when I see Her described differently. Then again, who am I to tell a Devotee that they are wrong, if She appears to one a certain way, and another to another, what business is it of mine? Obviously this blog prompt made it my business at least for the duration of this writing so I may as well cover it to the best of my abilities.

One of the most common is of that as Hekate as Crone Goddess. No stories or depictions have surfaced where Hekate is a Crone. Maid and Mother yes, Crone, no. In fact, aside from Shakespeare's Macbeth, which describes Hekate's witches as hags, but not Hekate Herself, Aleister Crowley is the first to actually describe Hekate as a Crone. Then again, like I said, She has appeared many ways to many people over the centuries. If she appears to you as Crone or if your path devotes yourselves to her as a Crone, that is between you and Hekate. As yet, Hekate has not shown herself to me as an elderly anything and I feel uncomfortable describing her as such. I even go so far in my *personal devotion* to avoid the crone terminology and will reword things to escape it. Again, that's just my *personal* devotion. I'm not here to tell you how to worship, just to present as much detail as possible so you may decide for yourself.

Another common misconception is that She's evil or some such nonsense. I admit (and I believe I've admitted in an earlier post) that when I first started really immersing myself into Paganism, I actually avoided Hekate because of all the misconceptions about Her. I mean, a fresh faced new witch (especially one with anxiety like me) that had been interested for years but ran for cover every time, doing research and hearing how dark and dangerous and evil She is? Yea, I skipped on by Her without more than a mild by your leave. I trusted everyone else and didn't even try looking for myself. I suppose I can blame it on being so overwhelmed with everything that I was taking the easy way out. I'm glad She stuck around though.

Which brings me back to her "evil" misconception. I've written in previous blog posts about some of the reasons people think badly about Her and also the true reasons behind them. Like how She shows us (from my post on Day 1) through the light of her torches, that which is already there, illuminating the subconscious, shining light on the shadows of our self doubt. Some say this is Hekate sending demons after them, or nightmares, or torturing them when in reality, she is merely showing us what we need to see so that we may over come it. So that we may heal. Though it is what we NEED it is often not what we WANT. And that can be a scary process.

She is also Queen of Ghosts, of the Restless Dead, Queen of the Underworld. That can be scary to think about. It is a dark topic but dark doesn't equal evil. Death is a part of life, we all die. That doesn't mean there is anything malignant in Her workings with the Underworld.

Furthermore, yes She is one you don't want to take lightly but would you anger Aphrodite, or Hera, or Zeus, or how about Apollo? No? I didn't think so. It would be just as foolish to anger them as it would Hekate but does that stop their followers from following them? Perhaps some are intimidated enough to not persue it but overall, no it does not. No one said this path was easy or inherently safe. It's one of the reasons for casting circles, for amulets and talismans, for protection jars or bags ad crystals. There is danger in so many things that we do. The question is, do you think it is worth the risk.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 26

26. How has your relationship with Hekate changed over time? 

How has it changed? Hmm. I suppose if anything, it's grown stronger. I've mentioned time and again that by most standards. I'm very new to my devotion to Hekate, less than a year. At first I was hesitant. Not in embracing Her but in that I knew literally nothing about Her, nothing of what I was doing and really I was amazed to have even been picked by a deity and had a Patroness. Not everyone does. Sure you can worship any deity but you'll see time and again in research that not everyone has a Patron deity and not every deity you call to, to see if they are or will accept you, actually will. I felt like I did but was prepared for disappointment (in case I didn't).

These days I'm just working more towards becoming even closer to her. I'm fully devoted, bound by rites as a Devotee and Priestess to Her but there's always more work to be done in Her name. I don't think I'll ever stop working to be closer to Her unless such time comes where She feels time to move on, which also does happen. For now, I'm just trying to do my part.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 25

25. A time Hekate has refused to help:

Seems like, like me, several devotees have a ton of experience with her not really saying outright "No" but instead telling us that we're capable of doing it ourselves. Just like my post yesterday, what I asked for and what I got weren't and aren't always the same thing. Probably a good thing too considering. But in a round about way I still got results.

One thing to consider when asking for things, Hekate won't just grant every request for you. Especially if you're fully capable of doing it yourself. You may not THINK you can but time and again She'll show you that you can. She also likely won't grant you frivolous things you don't need. So I wouldn't bother asking for a vacation house in the keys or a yacht or things of that nature. Even things you may need, sometimes the most you'll get is the courage to strike out and do it yourself.

There's been a couple of times when I've been ... pretty wound up. A ball of emotions and stress and sought Her help and She gave me strength to push through it but didn't do it for me or even lead me in the right direction. Sometimes it's enough for her to say "I'm here with you but this you must do yourself."

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 24

24. A time when Hekate has helped me:

I haven't been a Devotee to Hakate long enough to claim She’s made miracles in my life but she's given me strength time and again to not give up when it feels like I'm about to crumble. She was there for me when my last grandparent passed away a couple of months ago. She gave me strength when my nuclear family faced major financial constraints to not give up and to keep pushing through. She helped during a particularly tough day that I'd rather not get into publically, not in ending my anguish or stopping what was going on, but by giving me strength to endure. Really though, that would probably be the biggest so far. Some similar instances years ago before I embraced this path, calling out to a different deity and felt nothing, no comfort, nothing but emptiness. Probably one of the most enlightening moments on this path, and one of the reasons I know beyond reasonable doubt that this is right for me.

She also gives me strength to get up some days. I have *several* chronic illnesses that I haven't gotten into here yet (I have an older blog that isn't updated that is devoted basically just to my health) and some days I just want to lay in bed but I can't most days. She gives me the strength to push through when all I want to do is give up. And weeks like these when everyone keeps getting sick including myself. Especially like for myself where I'm chronically ill, every other illness I get makes the chronic illnesses so much worse and add that on top of trying to stay on top of bills (can't mope in bed) AND caring for 3 also sick children. I'll be the first to admit, some days it takes extreme effort to function. I really can't wait until this cold/sickness season is over but She's dragging me through it regardless of my self pity parties. Since the week before Thanksgiving, J, my youngest,  came home with a fever of 103.5°F, a wet cough and an ear infection. She then passed her fever to S and D, her older sisters and came down with Pink Eye, which she then also passed to her sisters AND me. Now my sinuses are aggravating me, my ears and throat are starting to get sore and my face is flushed (on top of literally just getting rid of pink eye but not 100%). My heart rate and blood pressure are protesting. I'm just waiting on the flu or something.

I'm hoping all sicknesses are gone by Christmas (preferably before school break). Goddess knows I've been relying on all my strengths to stay afloat these last several weeks. I think I'd have fallen apart if not for her.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 23

23. Your own composition – a piece of writing about or for this deity 

I already wrote one devotional hymn this past month (that I can't share as it was an offering directly to Hekate and not for public view). I'm also super sick so I'm doing excellent just stringing two sentences together.

♡

Hail Hekate! Torchbearing Mistress and Keeper of Keys.
She who guides me through the darkness.
Illuminating the paths on which I travel,
Leading me through both triumph and sadness.

Hail Hekate! Night Wandering Savior.
She who wanders the night with her restless dead.
Mistress of Magic, She of the Three Paths,
Walk me down these roads of mine and lead me not astray.

Hail Hekate! Sovereign Goddess of Many Names.
Unconquerable Queen of the Crossroads.
Blessed Be Thy Names
O' Glorious Saffron Cloaked Lady of the Night.

Copyright (c) Rosalind Calypso – All Rights Reserved. If you see this or any of my other works copied *without crediting or permission* please contact me here or at calypso (dot) rose423 (at) gmail (dot) com.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 22

22. A quote, a poem, or piece of writing with which Hekate resonates:

What better piece of writing than an Orphic Hymn to Hekate?

Einodian Hekatên, klêizô, Trihoditin Erannên,
Ouranian, Chthonian, te kai Einalian, Krokopeplos.
Tymbidian, Psychais Nekyôn meta bakcheuosan,
Perseian, Philerêmon, agallomenên elaphoisi.
Nykterian, Skylakitin, amaimaketon Basileian.
Thêrobromon, Azôston, aprosmachon Eidos echousan.
Tauropolon, Pantos Kosmou Klêidouchon, Anassan,
Hêgemonên, Nymphên, Kourotrophon, Ouresiphoitin.
Lissomenos, Kourên, teletais hosiaisi pareinai,
Boukolôi eumeneousan aei kecharêoti thymôi.

Hymn I: To Hekate
Hekatê of the Path, I invoke Thee, Lovely Lady of the Triple Crossroads,
Celestial, Chthonian, and Marine One, Lady of the Saffron Robe.
Sepulchral One, celebrating the Bakchic Mysteries among the Souls of the Dead,
Daughter of Persês, Lover of Solitude, rejoicing in deer.
Nocturnal One, Lady of the Dogs, invincible Queen.
She of the Cry of the Beast, Ungirt One, having an irresistible Form.
Bullherder, Keeper of the Keys of All the Universe, Mistress,
Guide, Bride, Nurturer of Youths, Mountain Wanderer.
I pray Thee, Maiden, to be present at our hallowed rites of initiation,
Always bestowing Thy graciousness upon the Boukolos.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 21

21. Music that makes me think of Hekate:

Nocturnal Hekate - Daemonia Nymphe

Hekate - Wendy Rule

Unda - Faun

Hekate - Seelenreise

Orphic Hymn to Hekate

Voda - Elitsa et Stoyan

Agreeing with another devotee here too. Not 100% on the music but the video itself.
Frozen - Madona

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 20

20. Art that reminds me of Hekate:

I know it says "that reminds me of Hekate" but what better way than to post images that people have made OF Hekate. I'm not big on art or interpreting art so I picked a few images I've come across that really speak to me of Hekate.

By Jo-Freyr @ DeviantArt

This one speaks to me particularly as a Devotee. I don't typically follow Hekate as a triple deity oras a 3 headed deity or any other than singular but for some reason a few of these DO speak to me despite or maybe because they're in triple form.

HECATE By Victoria Frances 

I LOVE this one. Triple Goddess and all. 

The only source I can find on this says "Mermade Arts"

Hecate by Mari-Na (on DeviantArt)

Hecate by Hrefngast (on DeviantArt)

I'm not sure if I should read more into the fact that several of my favorite pieces on Hekate are of a triple Goddess. But I love all of these. Maybe I should look into more single pictures.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 19

19. What quality or qualities of this god do you most admire?  What quality or qualities of them do you find the most troubling?

I don't necessarily not like any of her qualities. I don't emulate all of them myself but I like a lot of who She is and how She helps me. She leads those who society normally shuns, those that battle mental illness (like my own anxiety and depression and PMDD mood swings and even perhaps bipolar as runs in my family), of the LGBTQQIAP community  (of which several of those I hold dear are a part of), of witches (of which I am one), etc. She is the Torchbearer, She who shines light on the paths you may take and on problems you may be facing. Even if it isn't always pleasant. I may not necessarily LIKE what She shows me but I know ultimately that it is right and I needed to see it. She may not hold my hand and whisper empty promises that it'll all be ok, and I respect that because sometimes it just isn't, and sometimes I may want it to be ok but even if it's not She gives me the strength to keep going.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 18

18. How does this deity stand in terms of gender and sexuality? (historical and/or UPG)

Hekate has traditionally been the Goddess of Outcasts. Protector of those that society by and large shun. This includes witches who have faced persecution over time, the LGBTQQIAP community, the mentally ill, etc. MANY priestesses, including Hekate's Semnotatoi, the "Revered ones of the Goddess". These assigned male at birth misgendered priestesses told fortunes, practiced magic and cared for Her sacred places/temples. Some of them were even ritually castrated. She was also served by assigned female at birth misgendered priests and cisgendered priests and priestesses. Her priesthood  (the Demosioi), in addition to horoscopes, spell work and maintaining the sacred temples and groves, also led processions in which children clad in flower garlands sung hymns of praise to Hekate. They served the patron goddess of thetemenoa, of magic, and of all those who live on the edge.

Hekate isn't the only ancient deity to follow this practice either. Cybele is associated with transformed priestesses, her gallae, Isis had gender-variant priestesses, often self-emasculated, they danced and performed magical rites with the other devotees as viewed on a marble relief at Ariccia. These devotee were called cinaedi. Hera also had gender variant priestesses who dwelt on the island of Samos. Ma-Enyo from Asia Minor was served by thousands of hierodules known as fanatici carried double-axe emblems in procession and used a whirling dance to achieve states of ecstasy, the latter tradition remains today in the dervishes of Konya. Roman Goddess Bellona becamr syncretized with Ma-Enyo. Aphrodite's priestesses also crossed the boundary between the sexes. Venus Castina became the patroness of Roman males who were born with a woman's soul. Diana was served by two kinds of priestesses, the melissai "honeybees", and the remarkable assigned male at birth misgendered Megabyzes, these gender-variant priestesses commonly served as makers of magic amulets, telling fortunes through the casting of Ephesian runes.

Hekate does not care how you identify or who you're attracted to. You can be straight, lesbian, gay, bi, misgendered, curious and questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual, etc. She wants you to be you.

Personally, I'm a cis gendered female who married a man and most of my sexual partners (99%) have been male. I am not sure 100% how I'd identify truthfully as I've fooled around with females but I don't actively prefer or seek them out. I identify as straight but every so often. I also have several non straight relatives and friends and one of my own children identifies as non-straight. Just like my Lady, I welcome all and will fight for each of them.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 17

17. How does Hekate relate to other Gods and other pantheons?

I find it kind of hard to relate to Hekate with other deity since in my worship she's not a triple goddess or really as working super close with any. I know from history that She worked WITH several deity over time and especially with the concept of triple goddess She is linked to several too.

Triple Goddess (it really grinds my gears when Hekate winds up the Crone in everything).

Artemis, Selene and Hecate - were said to represent one deity in different states.
 
Isis - was also linked to Hekate in many ways, "Hecate is one of the many titles of "Isis the great Hecate" and "the mother-goddess Isis, the great Hecate."

Bendis: A Thracian Goddess associated with Artemis, Selene and Hecate.

She's been linked to several more over time but those are a couple to start.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 16

16. How does Hekate represent the values of Her pantheon and cultural origins?

It's kind of hard to go into her cultural origins since her origins can't be 100% pinpointed. Some give her origins as Macedonia, Thrace, Caria, some say she was an Egyptian Goddess Heqet.

Over the years she's gained attributes from the various places and people that have worshipped her. The Greeks called Her a guardian and She guarded their homes, Goddess of Witchcraft and Magic, of those "other". The protector of every newborn. The Romans called her Trivia. That's also where the Hecate/Hekate split comes from. Some pagans (particularly wiccans) view her as a Crone, and some also view Her as a triple goddess. She is ever evolving and gains new attributes all the time.

30 Days of Devotion to Hekate: Day 15

15. Hekate in my “mundane” life

I've had a lot of instances in my life where I felt the need to have a deity to lean on, where I needed to be strong, to have strength, where I needed to fight for myself and I felt like the deity I was looking for wasn't there. I've mentioned before that I've always felt called to paganism but was too afraid to really reach for it and fully embrace it until more recently. In all these instances, I felt totally alone. Turns out, I was looking in all the wrong places and should've braced my path from the beginning.

Now that I have, I feel even stronger. Having faced all of that seemingly alone, and survived or pushed through the struggle, I feel even more courage now that I KNOW I have Her to guide me. I don't feel that emptiness anymore. It's so, isolating hearing all of your friends or family talk about how wonderful they feel and singing the praises of their specific deity and how much that deity has done for them, or even their trials and outcomes and wondering why you have never, not one single time felt like that. I get it know. I can feel Her presence the way I've never felt the other, and it truly is amazing.

Even now I'm still evolving, trying to better myself to be worthy of my Lady. I feel like a better person even when I'm struggling. Which I do still struggle, I've felt anguish and anxiety and disappointment since finding Her, but I feel the strength to push through more readily, like I can do it. I've found where I belong.

For 11/26/15